Congratulations, brother..

Akhirnya, adikku satu-satunya “Thomas Aquinas Surya Sani Widyasta Hadi Soemantri” diwisuda hari ini (Sabtu, 19 November 2011).. Teriring ucapan selamat dan harap agar selalu sukses di masa mendatang. Be strong to yourself as life itself will be hard on you, yet be patience as success will come along the way..

Selamat datang di sekolah yang baru, “Sekolah Kehidupan”…

Here is the world.. Reality (sometimes) sucks.. But hey, there will be a rainbow after the storm.

Baru saja kemarin sore, teman-teman dari sebuah paduan suara di salah satu universitas swasta di Jakarta mengalami pergumulan batin yang luar biasa.. Sungguh sebuah pengalaman yang mengguncangkan kekuatan hati kami semua yang hadir pada sore hari itu.. 

Di sela-sela diskusi dan pembicaraan yang penuh dengan intensitas, pikiran saya menerawang kepada kejadian yang sempat saya alami kurang lebih setahun lalu di mana saya dan teman-teman paduan suara dari universitas swasta lain menghadapi cobaan yang sungguh luar biasa. Betapa masih segar dalam ingatan saya bagaimana kami semua saling berpelukan, menangis, dan menguatkan diri untuk tetap tegar menghadapi hari-hari selanjutnya.

Sebersit kepedihan akan ingatan di masa lampau kembali datang menghampiri ketika saya menatap satu demi satu para mahasiswa yang penuh dengan pergumulan batin berusaha memecahkan persoalan yang dihadapi. Torehan itu terkuak kembali.. Luka itu belumlah sembuh dan entah kapan akan kembali pulih seperti sedia kala. Mungkin saja tidak.. 

Terkoyak hati ini melihat ada kekecewaan di sana, ada pula tumpahan air mata.. namun tak sedikit pula yang menaruh harap meskipun disertai keraguan dan rasa cemas. Saya mengerti.. Sungguh saya memahami segala perasaan itu. Saya ingat betapa berulang kali saya dihadapkan pada hal-hal yang berada di luar kuasa, sehingga pada akhirnya saya hanya dapat berpasrah. 

Sometimes life is not fair.. 

But Richard Hooker (what a very unusual last name!!!) said “When the best things are not possible, the best may be made of those that are possible!” 

 

Wow.. That is very true and uplifting.. 🙂

Bener juga sih.. Kita bisa tetap berkarya, menunjukkan kemampuan dan hasil kerja keras kita di mana ada peluang dan kesempatan. Bila ternyata kesempatan itu tidak datang pada kita karena keterbatasan dan hal-hal yang tidak terduga, ya memang mungkin belum waktunya.. Hey, it’s life.. Bad and terrible things happen.. 

Sambil menulis blog ini, pikiran saya tertuju pada choristers saya yang kini menjadi sahabat-sahabat seperjuangan di The Monarch. Betapa saya bangga pada diri saya dan mereka pada khususnya. Kami mampu menunjukkan bahwa kami mampu bangkit, mampu berdiri kembali setelah pengalaman yang sungguh-sungguh pahit dan menyesakkan. Betapa Tuhan sangat baik dan memberikan segala pertolongan yang kami butuhkan, betapa kami satu per satu dikuatkan dan diberikan jalan untuk mengobati luka hati kami masing-masing melalui pengalaman-pengalaman lain yang mendewasakan sekaligus menyenangkan. 

Saya bersyukur.. Saya sungguh bersyukur bahwa kemarin sore, saya kembali mendapatkan pergumulan hati. Saya merasa selalu diingatkan oleh-Nya. Bila rencana dan usaha manusia tidak berakhir sesuai harapan, Dia akan berikan yang lebih indah. Bila rencana dan usaha manusia jauh dari sempurna, biarlah Dia yang menyempurnakannya. 

Mudah-mudahan tulisan ini senantiasa dapat menjadi sumber kekuatan buat saya pribadi, buat teman-teman yang sedang kecewa dan sedih, dan juga pembangkit semangat di kala kita jatuh lagi di kemudian hari.. 

 

cheers

 

 

Thank you Lord buat pengalaman yang membuat saya menulis blog lagi.. Hehehehe..

 

Language.. has created the word “loneliness” to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word “solitude” to express the glory of being alone.. (Paul Tillich)

Thanks to Paul Tillich, a German born American Theologian and Philosopher, who came with this beautiful quotation that really makes me think a lot…

Hhmmm.. I think the feeling of loneliness can be experienced by anybody; No matter how old you are, no matter how wise you are, no matter what experiences you have in life, no matter what profession you are in, no matter what country of origin you are from, etc. It can be felt by people who experienced bullying in their childhood, or probably childhood abuse, a broken heart, a loveless marriage, being gay, life after divorce, the desire to love and to be loved, coping with social anxiety, etc.

Well, it’s true that some people are more socially accepted, and there are people who always try to fit in but remains rejected, and there are some others who are even too scared to try.

So what can be done to escape the grips of loneliness??

Here are some tips for all of you.. I also got this while doing online reading and I thought to share it with you..

1. Realize that we all get lonely
2. Call or get together with people you know (even if they are not who you want to be with right now)
3. Get involved in anything where you will meet people
4. Challenge yourself to take the initiative in social relationships whenever you can
5. Take risks about revealing yourself
6. Remember that we are all alone inside our heads; we are born and die alone; it’s nothing special
7. Join an online community
8. When feeling lonely, don’t let yourself wallow in your loneliness. Do something, anything!
9. Do everything you would normally do with partner or friends; there’s nothing strange to be by yourself and out doing things!
10. Spend time with your family

And also there’s one more important thing.. You have to find the difference between LONELINESS and SOLITUDE.

So what is solitude?

Solitude is a state of being alone without feeling lonely, in fact it can lead us to self-awareness.

From the outside, loneliness and solitude look a lot alike because both are characterized by solitariness. But all resemblance ends at the surface.

So, solitude is a really positive state of engagement with yourself. You may want to rest or think without being disturbed.. and sometimes you want to do it for the sake of privacy. So that means it’s desirable by yourself. And actually lots of activities need solitude moments. For example, if you want to have a deep reading, or if you want to make inner searching within yourself, or if you’re engage with highly creative works, or if you just want to experience the beauty of nature.. All of them need the solitariness.

We all need our periods of solitude.. And sometimes it give us chance to regain perspective about our lives and our way of living the world. And the important thing is there’s nothing wrong with it.. 🙂

So why don’t we all try to be intimate with ourselves in time of solitariness without being lonely, but happy?? Happy that we have life to live, happy that we have friends to keep, happy that we have days we will cherish, and happy that we have our moment for solitude..

Here’s a song to accompany your solitude moment…

Between INTEREST and COMMITMENT

Today I feel like writing about this topic. Specially because it’s related to something that I am dealing with at this moment..

The highlight would be the COMMITMENT.

So, a quote said this:

“There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.”

And I think this is so true.. Sadly, I think we all have this issue in our life.

Sometimes we think, we have commitment in doing things.. But looking at that quote up there, we now realize that what we have done is not showing commitment, but only interest.

Related to this “commitment issue”, I cannot blame some people that are really disappointing me at this moment (because sometimes I am also dealing with this) but I really want us to learn together and start to think about our readiness when we eventually say our commitment to something.

In my work, I have to say that I really rely on this matter.. Well, especially because I have to work with lots of people who (I understand) have (well, probably) lots of other commitments in their lives.

But sometimes I can be so frustrated in scheduling this and that.. Adjusting to others interests and commitments. And of course also adjusting to mine. Hey, I also have my own interests… (which sadly I often leave for the sake of others). But now I am trying my best also to keep myself (somehow) “alive” by doing what I like to do, and also keeping the work go together side by side.

So friends, let’s work on this issue together !!

R.E.S.U.M.E

Angela Astri Soemantri was born in Bandung in 1982. She began her music activity by learning piano at the age of 5, and since 1998 she has actively involved in choir activities and seriously studied in vocal as well as choral and orchestral conducting. She attended training for music conducting in Cathedral-Jakarta in 2002 under the supervision of Ms. Hanna P., Mr. Ernest Mariyanto, and Mr. Dirjoseputro. She attended the 2nd and 3rd Symposium on Church Choral Music workshop and masterclass under the guidance of Jonathan Velasco (The Philippines), Jennifer Tham (Singapore), Grace Oey (Singapore), and Stella Zhou (Singapore). In September 2009 she attended the 8th Rimini International Choral Workshop in Rimini, Italy, under direct supervision of Peter Philips (England), Ghislaine Morgan (England), Andrea Angelini (Italy), and Vytautas Miskinis (Lithuania) on Renaissance composition as well as music conducting. In 2010 she attended Workshop on Venetian Renaissance Choral Music under supervision of Prof. Andrea Angelini (Italy) in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. She also learned vocal lessons from Avip Priatna and also vocal and music conducting from Tommy Prabowo.

Since January 2009 she became the music director of Orcaellae Vox Sacra (now became Monarch Orcaellanum Luminare). She was also the founder of Tarumanagara Angels Orchestra (TAO). She has B.A. in Psychology and currently is candidate for the Master of Educational Psychology Degree in the Department of Psychology Tarumanagara University.

Work Experiences

 

1997 – present        Private piano teacher

2001 – 2004            Vocal Training Division at Paduan Suara Universitas Tarumanagara, Jakarta

2003 – 2008            Choir Director of Paduan Suara Cindera Kasih Sekolah High/Scope TB Simatupang, Jakarta

2005 – 2010            Choir Director and Conductor of Paduan Suara Sanmare, Santa Maria Regina Church Choir, Bintaro

2005 – 2010            Choir Director and Conductor of Paduan Suara Universitas Tarumanagara, Jakarta

2006 – 2008            Choir Director and Conductor of Paduan Suara Canzone SMPK Ricci II, Tangerang

2006 – 2008            Choir Director of Paduan Suara TK dan SD Santa Ursula BSD, Serpong

2007 – present        Choir Director and Conductor of BCA Choir Menara BCA Grand Indonesia, Jakarta

2009 – present        Music Director and Conductor of Orcaellae Vox Sacra (now became Monarch Orcaellanum Luminare)

Present                        Student assistant of Prof. Aurelio Porfiri (Italy)

 

Performances

 

2001 – 2010              Conducting Paduan Suara Universitas Tarumanagara (PSUT) at National Ceremonies and Graduation Ceremonies

May, 2004                 Conducting PSUT at “Senyum dalam Nada” Concert Festival  (Gedung BPPT, Jakarta)

June, 2004                Conducting PSUT at “Festival 2004” Concert (Gedung BPPT, Jakarta)

May, 2005                 Conducting PSUT at “For The Beauty of The Earth” Charity Concert (Erasmus Huis, Jakarta)

May, 2007                 Conducting PSUT at “When The Children Smile-Sing Music With Love” Charity Concert (Yamaha Music Hall, Jakarta)

May, 2008                  Conducting PSUT at “Look at The World” PSUT’s Internal Concert (Tarumanagara University Auditorium, Jakarta)

December, 2008       Conducting PSUT, PS Canzone, and  PS Sanmare at “A Little Jazz Mass” Christmas Concert (Tarumanagara University Auditorium, Jakarta)

May, 2009                    Conducting Orcaellae Vox Sacra (OVS) at a concert in San Moise Church (Venezia, Italy)

July, 2009                    Conducting OVS, PS Sanmare, and Tarumanagara Angels Orchestra (TAO) at “A Thousand Flowers of Love” Concert (Graha Swara Tarumanagara University, Jakarta)

September, 2009         Conducting the Rimini International Choir Workshop participants “Tota Pulchra Es” by Vytautas Miskinis at Tesori della Polifonia Spagnola Concert (Chiesa San Giovanni Battista, Rimini, Italy)

October, 2009              Conducting PSUT, OVS, and TAO at “The Golden Chamber” Concert

March, 2010                  Conducting OVS at “The Spanish Treasure” Concert (Graha Swara Tarumanagara University, Jakarta)

June, 2010                     Conducting TAO at “A Musical Inspiration” Collaboration Concert with Sekolah Tunas Muda Orchestra

June, 2010                    Conducting PSUT at “Rhythm of The Earth” Charity Concert (Graha Swara Tarumanagara University, Jakarta)

January, 2011              Conducting Monarch Orcaellanum Luminare (MOL) at Jakarta New Year Concert 2011 (National Museum Auditorium, Jakarta)

June, 2011                     Conducting MOL and BCA Choir at “Love Whispers” Concert (Teater Kecil, Taman Ismail Marzuki, Jakarta)

Achievements

 

August, 2005                   Champion at “JacFest Choir Festival” Mangga Dua Square, Jakarta.

April, 2006                       Runner-up at “The Magnificant of Handel” Mall Bee, Cengkareng.

August, 2008                   Silver Diploma for Mixed Chamber Choir Category at Festival Paduan Suara Institut Teknologi Bandung XXI.

May, 2009                          Gold Diploma for Folklore and Mixed Chamber Choir Category at The 7th Venezia in Musica, Lido di Jesolo, Venezia, Italy.

November, 2009              Champion at Festival Paduan Suara 2009 se Jawa-Bali, held by SMAK 1 Penabur, Cirebon, West Java.

November, 2009              Best Conductor at Festival Paduan Suara 2009 se Jawa-Bali, held by SMAK 1 Penabur, Cirebon, West Java.

August, 2010                      Gold Diploma for Folklore Category and Silver Diploma for Mixed Choir Free Program Category at The 1st ITB International Choir Competition 2010, Bandung, West Java.

Affiliations

 

2010 – present                    Member of World Federation of Music Therapy (WFMT)

Present                                 Member of Association of Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology and Health (APPAH)

Present                                 Member of The Society for Music Perception and Cognition (SMPC)

Publications

 

“Indonesian Folk Choral Music” and “Choral Education in Indonesia” articles at the International Choral Bulletin (ICB) Volume XXX, Number 2 – 2nd Quarter, 2011, p. 9-13.

 

For further information, please check on my website  http://angela-astri-soemantri.weebly.com/index.html

if you can D.R.E.A.M

What is dream . . . ?

According to Wikipedia, dream is a succession of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntary in the mind during certain stages of sleep.

Yup, that’s the definition.. But I am not going to talk about the dream we have during our sleep..

I want to talk about what we really want in life.. Our ‘dream’…

Lots of people don’t have dreams.. That’s too bad..

So why do we must have dreams?? You will find the answers below..

I didn’t write it myself.. It’s already beautifully sung by “The Walt Disney’s Princesses” and I just wrote the lyrics for you all to read.. and then you just have to start dreaming with me… 🙂

IF YOU CAN DREAM

There is a world where hope
And dreams can last for all time
A wondrous place to go
You’ll know it when your heart finds

Hearing our song as old as time
Hold my hand, we’re gonna fly
What a magic ride
And just a kiss away

If you can dream
The wish we’re making on a star
Is coming true
The colors of the wind will lead
My heart right back to you

‘Cause if you can dream
Reflections in a diamond sky
Come shining all through
Romance will always be so new
And love will save the day
If you can dream

Someday my prince will come
It’s certain as the sunrise
Once day the slipper fits
Then you see the love in his eyes

It’s a tale as old as time
There’s no mountain we can’t climb
When you’re finally mine
And just a kiss away

If you can dream
The wish we’re making on a star
Is coming true
The colors of the wind will lead
My heart right back to you

‘Cause if you can dream
Reflections in a diamond sky
Come shining all through
Romance will always be so new
And love will save the day
If you can dream

So the story goes
Never die the rose
There’s a whole new world
Waiting there for us
Waiting just for us!

If you can dream
The wish we’re making on a star
Is coming true
The colors of the wind will lead
My heart right back to you

‘Cause if you can dream
Reflections in a diamond sky
Come shining all through
Romance will always be so new
And love will save the day

Oh, love will save the day
If you can dream

YOU CAN D.R.E.A.M

So, have a good night to all of you.. Start dreaming about what you really want in life and also what you really WANT TO BE  in this life (because I think it’s the most important)… I cannot share mine right now because I’m also still in the process of deciding and thinking about this and that (which I think I already ‘overthink’, hehehe…)

Sleep tight and sweet dreams, world.. I’ll be seeing you again tomorrow..

Ciao !

ENJOY !!

… in the effort of finding the unconditional love …

Years ago, a very good friend of mine told me this.. “When you’re thinking about having a partner in your life, you must find the one who will give you an unconditional love..” And that time I thought, “Hhmm.. I think it won’t be so hard to find one..”

Years gone by..

And I repeatedly fell into the “other category”.. (read: conditional love)

I have to say that loving itself is already hard.. and loving someone unconditionally is even harder.. Don’t you believe me? Let me show you then..

So please think about your past relationships, or your present, while reading this..

I said that loving itself is already hard.. Consider people that cannot feel the feeling of love for others. Yes, there are people who are suffering because they can’t feel love. Mostly happens because of these “unlucky” people experience trauma from their childhood. And most of them usually avoiding close relationships and afraid to say “I love you…”. And for these people, it will take some time to finally feel love. It’s also up to their decision whether they want to feel it or not. Moreover, some people need therapy in order to cure their childhood trauma and then learn to love others.

So how about loving unconditionally? Loving unconditionally means loving freely inside out.. It is when people say, “I care how you feel..” instead of  “I like how you make me feel..”.

Then how do we distinguish between unconditional love (or sometimes called ‘real love’) and conditional love?

According to Dr. Baer, the author of The Truth About Relationships, there are two reliable signs that love is not genuine: disappointment and anger. If we’re giving and receiving conditional love, we will eventually feel empty, unhappy, and frustrated. So when we frown, sigh with disappointment, speak harshly, or in any way express our anger at other people, we’re communicating that we’re not getting what we want. At least in that moment, we are not caring for our partner’s happiness, but only for our own. Our partner then senses our selfishness and feels disconnected from us and alone, no matter what we say or do.

Another article I recently read gives a great explanation about the conditional love.. (I believe that by understanding the nature of conditional love, we will have a perspective on the unconditional love..)

So, here’s the core of the article I read. Please read it carefully..

Conditional love sends out messages like this: “I have done so much for you, so now you should do this for me.”Or “I need your attention, your sympathy, your consent, your time, your presence, your love.” Or “I want you to live your life according to my beliefs and ideas.” And “I need you to need me, and to look after me exactly the way I have in mind, and if you don’t do that, I will fall ill or become very unhappy.”

(Ring a bell already, anyone? Hehehe.. Let me continue then…)

What will happen to people in this kind of “possessive” relationships? Well, this kind of relationship is psychologically suffocating, and can be even physically suffocating, for the person(s) it concerns. it doesn’t allow personal space to the other one. The path the other one has chosen for his/her life is deliberately surpassed for the sake of someone’s purposes.

The claiming people show a great example of compensation, simply because they have difficulty with experiencing self-love or self-acceptance. And most of them didn’t realize it.. But their behavior shows exactly what they are lacked of. So these people need affirmation, confirmation, and domination of the persons in their near surroundings. They want us to listen patiently to twenty times their story and sometimes show no interest in one time our story. They need us to agree with their viewpoint and to act in accordance with their moral ideas about life. They will hold on tightly to present relationships and show difficulty in living its own adult life or marrying a partner. They can lay strong demands on us taking care of their “physical and psychological” health even daily. They may obtrude their help upon us, in return for our time and gratitude. And it will never be enough..

They may use subtle methods that speak to our heart. Here are some examples: they are willing to help us, support us financially, their loneliness after having lost partner, their worries about our well-being, their dependence on us, sometimes use ill health to draw our attention, or give us hints and advices.

The writer said that all of these also sometimes belong to a normal relationship, but in a possessive one they are used to make us do what they want. And if we somehow show and want to act independent, they will let us know with great self-pity or anger that we misbehave, and that we are their source of unhappiness. We of course will feel guilty and that becomes their weapon to fight our freedom and progress.

So what to do? The writer gives some suggestions to deal with this issue as follows..

First, it is important for us to understand the psychology of the situation. No matter how loving you wish to be, you can’t live somebody else’s life. It is your responsibility to do something useful with the gift of your life, and your level of happiness will let you know in as far you are aligned with your heart. Unhappiness, illness, and energy drains will show you that something is wrong. No one besides you can find your aim for this life. Calmly bur persistently insist on your personal space. Saying ‘no’ to a loved one does not mean that you have stopped loving that person. The possessive person needs to learn that relationships flower in love and freedom. Love is happily giving without thinking about receiving. There’s no trading for anything.. Someone else can never meet one’s expectations, therefore please learn to let things and people be. Work with affirmations like “I put faith in myself” and “I am love”.

After I read this article, I was quite shocked.. It’s as if I have a lump in my throat.. This is the kind of relationships I fell into many many times.. And I think some of you now think so too about your own relationships..

Then I continue to read some of Dr. Baer’s excerpts from his book..

He specifically stated this, “If you’re unhappy, don’t look to your partner for the cause. You’re unhappy because you don’t feel unconditionally loved yourself and because you’re not sufficiently unconditionally loving toward others. Both conditions have existed for a long time, usually from early childhood. Because your parents are responsible for the love you received as a child, and because any child who does not receive sufficient “real love” is necessarily filled with emptiness and fear, your parents are certainly responsible, to a large extent, for they way you feel and function as an adult. But you need to understand that as an adult you have become increasingly responsible for your own happiness. And so, exactly how much can you hold your parents accountable for your present condition? That would be impossible to quantify. But no matter what the exact extent of your parents’ responsibility, it is definitely not productive to blame them for your present unhappiness – while it is useful to understand their role in your life. Understanding is simple, realistic assessment of how things are, but blame implies anger, which can only be harmful to both yourself and others.”

(Hhhmm.. He surely knows about what he’s talking about..)

In addition to the statements above, another writer stated this, “Many of us also experienced the physically and/or emotionally absent father, who may have felt love for us, but from whom we often did not receive the feeling of love.. As a result, we grow with a huge hole inside of our heart that’s wanting to be loved more and more and more.. Then, to fulfill the need of being loved, we string up conditional type of love toward others.”

(And I thought.. Hmmm… probably that’s why…) Now back to Dr. Baer’s again..

Further more, he stated that even our own friends liked us more when we did what they liked. In fact, that’s what made us their friend. And that pattern of conditional approval has continued through our lives. People continue to give their approval more often when we do what they want, and so we do what it takes to earn it..

Now we begin to think about our friendship with others.. Are we giving and taking that kind of conditional approval with our friends? I also wonder…

So, being unconditional means actively caring for another and accepting the other as they are. And this type of love is a decision. Segal (1970) stated that the true practitioner of this type of love can honestly give their loved ones the Love Story message, “Love means not ever having to say you’re sorry..”

Wow.. It is very hard to love someone unconditionally.. But it doesn’t mean that we can’t..

We will need some time to look deep inside ourselves first and realize whether we are a person that love others conditionally or unconditionally.. Then we decide what kind of person we want to be.. And then afterward, we decide whether we want to be in a conditional relationship or in an unconditional one..

I have made my choice. What about you?? 🙂

– cheers –

I don’t wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone..

It’s been a while since I created this WordPress account..

Now I have the right moment to finally write my first blog in here..*hooray*

Hopefully it’s not only going to be one or two times excitement only.. I realized that I have to start writing something that’s related to my own life and mostly my thoughts.. Not related to my study, my work, and so on. Well, even though I think what I am going to write will probably still related to all of those things. Hehehhe..

So, the title of this post is “I don’t wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone..”

This statement “tickles” my mind some days ago.. I was kinda reminded of  “what I’ve done in my life…”

Surely, I have tried my best to do all good things… But for who?? For the sake of myself or others? This is what I’ve been questioning.. A friend told me once, “You cannot play Saint all the time”… And indeed, he’s true..

Probably you also have this kind of confusion or we can say *galauness* in your mind or heart. Hahahaha… By playing Saint, we would want to please others.. We would want to be seen as good… and nice… and sweet… and caring person. Am I right or am I right??

It is indeed a good feeling when you think you can please other people and be everything to everyone.. But then what about ourselves? Can we reach our happiness by pleasing others?? Is it going to be our happiness or we’re only the tools for others’ happiness?? Gee… Now I start to think…

Eventually, there’s no way we can be everything to fulfill others’ dreams.. So, what’s important now is to pursue our own dreams for the sake of ourselves.. And I think at the end of the day, it’s enough to be something to someone.. 🙂 Someone who will surely always encourage us to be a good person as well..

We just have to find “that someone”…